Last Night.
I don't hear God speak audibly, but I know He speaks. Sometimes He speaks more clearly than expected. This was the inner dialogue last night.

Why don't you stop reading blogs, go curl up and spend some time with me?

(ignore)

Why are you reading blogs of people you haven't seen in a year--come spend time with me.

At least I saw them last year, more than I can say for you. (Really? I'm trying to catch God on a technicality?)

Katherine. (He says forgiving/ignoring my bold ignorance)

I know. I know.

Then why don't you?

BECAUSE.
BECAUSE I have a really hard time believing that you're going to fix or change any of it.
BECAUSE I have a hard time believing that opening it up and reading a chapter, or even a whole book, is going to do any good. It's not going to change anything.
And, let's be honest...

I AM. Always.

It's a figure of speech.

I know. I just thought you could use the reminder.

Right. Ok. Well, while I'm being honest, I don't think I'm wrong. I like my opinion and I want to stick to it. And every time I read anything in there, I just get overwhelmed because I can't do it all and I end up feeling more guilty and upset than before. You always make me feel guilty.

The guilt isn't from me.

But how am I supposed to know that?

Just know. It's not from me.

(long pause)

Open it up.

This time, don't look for a list. Don't look for the "shoulds." You've gotten into a habit of skipping some important stuff.

Open it up.

Look for grace.

It's in there.

Even for you.
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Then go have some ice cream.

(I don't know if that last part was God but I obeyed, just in case.)