I don’t know that I’ve ever really celebrated Advent.  Growing up, we had Advent calendars every year, and believe me, I celebrated that tiny piece of chocolate before school each morning.  (When you’re nine, there is something about eating chocolate before school that is exhilarating).  I don’t know that I processed that the anticipation I felt was a symbol of the Jews' anticipation for a Messiah, and a shadow of our anticipation for Christ’s return.  Chocolate never quite made me think of how Jesus would return and make all things new.  I want to do it differently this year, though.

I want to leap in the presence of the Lord, as John the Baptist did...

To await the arrival of Jesus with such eagerness that I physically yearn for him, as Mary did...

To draw nearer to the Savior as I wander, so I can present Him with gifts, as the wisemen did.

I want to recognize when my spirit aches for purpose and passion, that a new job is not the answer.  And believe that the “sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.”  I want to long for Christ’s return rather than for presents. 

Presence.  Presents.

And I am frustrated that I don’t feel the feeling I want to feel.  But I’m trying to remember that even my frustration, my numbness, is evidence of my need for His return.  Unfulfilled longing will not remain unfulfilled.  It is just not yet fulfilled.  I cannot stop believing that Christmas will come just because it hasn’t come yet.  It’s only December 7^th.  Just so, I cannot stop believing that Christ will come; it’s only December 7^th.  

He will come.  Feelings will be felt.  Longings will be fulfilled. 

And that is Advent.  That is hope.

Come, Thou long expected Jesus
Born to set Thy people free;
From our fears and sins release us,
Let us find our rest in Thee.
Israel’s Strength and Consolation,
Hope of all the earth Thou art;
Dear Desire of every nation,
Joy of every longing heart.

Born Thy people to deliver,
Born a child and yet a King,
Born to reign in us forever,
Now Thy gracious kingdom bring.
By Thine own eternal Spirit
Rule in all our hearts alone;
By Thine all sufficient merit,
Raise us to Thy glorious throne.

-Charles Wesley

As a “professional development” opportunity for our department, my boss got everyone StengthsFinder 2.0 and asked us to take the test.

In a meeting this week, we are going to share our top five “strengths” with the group in hopes that we will learn to work together, blah blah blah…
In an effort to pull together what I would share, I was trying to find a couple of sentences that really summarize each strength. The description of my first one sounds like something Paul would have railed against. In fact, I think he did. I became so frustrated I began to wonder how much damage the book would cause if I threw it into my computer screen.

I decided to come back to that one later.

In the description for Number 2 it says, “You might find fault with your own talents.”

True story.

A Terrible Poem.  Entitled, "In case you stalk me, too" for Beth Moore.

I’ve been stalking you for several years.
I know your hopes,
                   Your dreams,
                            Your fears.

I know your kids, I’ve read your blog.
I’ve followed tweets, I love your dog.
I hope this doesn’t creep you out.
We could be friends; I have no doubt.

I just thought that you should know
You broke my heart a week ago.
You hired her instead of me.
You gave that girl my destiny.

I guess it’s only fair you did
You didn’t know I exist-ed.
But now you do so please let me know
Next time you have a job to post.


I know I’d do fantastic work
And now we’re friends…so that’s a perk!
Thanks for your consideration.
Signed, Katherine Smith, faithful patron.

Over Spring Break Daniel and I were invited over to the home one of Daniel’s colleagues and his wife. It was going to be a night of pizza and Scrabble—just getting to know each other a little better. We offered to bring salad and dessert. Should have been easy enough, except I freaked out a little bit. What kind of lettuce? What kind(s) of dressing? What veggies? What bowl? How much? Should I do two bowls? I will bake a cake. I’ll do two layers, icing in between. Everyone likes chocolate cake, right? What if they don’t? What if there are allergies? (I asked Daniel to text and ask if there were any allergies we needed to know about). I went to the store, bought everything, and went home trying to calm myself down. I baked the cake and let it cool.


The cake totally fell apart when I started to spread the icing. Way beyond repair.

Cue sobbing in the kitchen.

I left the cake in a heap on the counter and ran to the store while Daniel chopped up the veggies for the salad. Plan B: Individual no-bake cheesecakes. Get the box, add the milk, mix it up, plop it into the cupcake tins. Done.

We arrived at their house and found out that we would not be ordering pizza, we were making our own. So fun! They have all the ingredients and we get to build our own and then everyone tries everyone else’s. Starting to relax. Enjoying myself. Then the husband drops this bomb:

The wife made the crust from scratch.

And by “from scratch” I mean she ground her own wheat for the flour.

Ground. The. Wheat. (And of course the veggies for toppings are from her garden).

We played Scrabble and we ate cheesecake and they all seemed to really enjoy it. Then she asked me for the recipe. --It's on the box.  The box comes with this power stuff and if you add milk and mix it up, and voila! It’s cheesecake.--  I felt this big.

This couple was so great. We would definitely hang out with them again. She was embarrassed that he had even told us about the wheat…she just likes making it that way. They weren’t judging me. I was. They weren’t being unkind or holding me to a standard that I failed to reach. I was.

At church we sing a song with a line that says, “Reveal to me my sin.” Usually I just left that line out when singing. But then one day in my homework for my Beth Moore Bible study, she asked why we would be more scared of knowing the sin and confronting it, than we were of the consequences if we didn’t. Whew. So I’ve been praying that I would be aware of my sin, my pride, and that I would war against it.

So thank you, wheat-grinder-lady. Thank you inviting my husband and me over to your home, and for making flour for us. Thank you for being kind and gentle. You were used by God to reveal the sick, black sludge pride in my heart.  I will be memorizing this verse now:

“Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don’t be impressed with yourself. Don’t compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.” Galatians 6:4-5 MSG

"What's down in the well will come up in the bucket."   Luke 6:45

"God is very good to those who trust in Him, and often surprises them with unlooked for blessings.  Little do we know what may happen to us tomorrow, but this sweet fact may cheer us, that no good thing shall be withheld."

-Charles Spurgeon