Today I skipped my first whole class of the semester. (I walked out of one last week, but I was there for the quiz so that doesn't really count.) Honestly, I'm pretty proud of myself for making it this far. Besides, the class is Foundations of Christian Scholarship. I mean really...Is that necessary?! Thanks for the suggestions for my paper. It's due tomorrow; I have to work today=yet another very late night. I'm afraid I will most definitely be relying on artificial stimulants for that one. But on my mile-long list with special markings for "urgent" and other markings for "important" I only have two more points. Fall Break begins on Thursday at 2:40. I know I'll have to do some homework, but I have big plans to rest.
On that note...I have a question. What is rest? I know it's not just sleeping (though that would be fantastic), but I really don't know what it would look like. Jesus said "Come to me all who are weary and carrying heavy burdens and I will give you rest." (Mt 11:28) I think of rest as what comes when I get everything marked off my things-to-do list, but Jesus said to come for rest while you're carrying heavy burdens. How is that possible?!

HELP!
I have to write a paper discussing the "enduring influence of an ancient Hebrew, Greek, Roman, or Pagan idea, concept or theory on the modern (meaning after 1500) West." Due Thursday and I don't really even have a topic yet. Any ideas?

Gar-fish, worship, and the DTR.

What a weekend.
I need time to process, time to reflect.
I have a Biology test and two papers due on Thursday.
I have to go to work.
No time to reflect.

Yet again the important is neglected due to the urgent.

I want a sabbatical.

I'm tired. And when I think about everything I have to do, I'm exhausted. I've been realizing that I have two mental to-do lists going. One personal: blog, read, write, sleep, run, PINE COVE (this weekend), people, a whole heck-of-a-lot of "why" questions, etc. Then there's the school list: Western Civilization paper, Discipleship and Evangelism paper, read, read some more, etc. I haven't exactly worked out the system that allows me to do both yet. But...
Tonight the two lists worked together for one beautiful hour. I have to read Subversive Spirituality by Eugene Peterson for a class and I'm loving every minute of it. Tonight he put into words everything I learned/felt about writing this summer at Pine Cove, "...but it is during this summer that his desire solidifies into conviction." That's exactly it. I used to want to write but didn't because of fear and whatever else. But this summer I didn't have the luxury of just not writing. I had to. I was convicted. Then he quotes Reynolds Price's beautiful description of what I'd like to do (his "conviction" from the above quote), "...I made a vow to spend my whole life, if fate agreed, in using the one real block of capital I knew I'd been given. And that, of course, was my old need to watch those parts of the world that caught me, then to copy them out for others less patient or with eyes less lucky."
It probably makes more sense in context, but it is beautiful in the deepest most profound sense of the word. It was one of those passages that jumps off the page and, for a split second, clarifies everything. Kind of a mental Red Sea moment. The waters part, dry land, clear view.
Then the murky waters crash back in...
I need a nap.

...and friends are friends forever...blah blah blah...
I'm not good at making friends. I'm throwing my problem out there into the realm-o-blog and I'm open to suggestions.
Lately I've been thinking a lot about other places, England for instance, or Pine Cove, or home. One of the things I was taught at Capernwray was that there are three basic human needs: 1. dignity 2. destiny 3. intimacy. We were told to be careful what we tell ourselves when there is a screaming unmet need in our lives. At this point, I lack intimacy. As far as I can surmise, this is why I've been longing for other places. In each of those places I have intimate friends. I'm not homesick. It's different. I miss people.
So I went and sat in my car tonight. (I don't know what it is about being in my car, but I can focus so much better. I feel invisible there...except I'm not, which makes for some awkward situations.) I ended up thumbing through my beat-up old copy of Run with the Horses by Eugene Peterson. Found this quote: (He's kind of paraphrasing what God says in Jeremiah 29:4-14)
"Quit sitting around feeling sorry for yourselves. The aim of the person of faith is not to be as comfortable as possible but to live as deeply and thoroughly as possible--to deal with the reality of life, discover truth, create beauty, act out love...You are in Babylon for a long time. You better make the best of it. Don't just get along, waiting for some miraculous intervention. Build houses, plant gardens, marry husbands, marry wives, have children, pray for the wholeness of Babylon, and do everything you can to develop that wholeness. The only place you have to be human is where you are right now."
Ok. How do I do that? That's what I want to know bloggies. How?
I want to live. I want to live here.
My attitude has been pretty passive. I want to make friends, but, in my experience, lasting friendships are NOT formed by sitting in a dorm room talking about classes and professors and recounting everything you ate that day. You have to have experiences. You have to have stories to tell. (I mentioned going to London for the weekend for a Switchfoot concert. No takers.) I've been kind of waiting around for experiences to happen, and they haven't yet. So at this point, do I just wait? Give it time? Do I need to do something else?

NOTE: (mainly to mom) I'm not miserable, or sad, or homesick. I'm fine. I'm just pensive.

So...if anyone has any suggestions on how a neurotic, introverted, beauty-loving-but-not-creating, music-lover/poser, Junior by age, Sophomore by credit, Freshman by social status, could make real friends, let me know. I really do want input.

I object...(object: noun or verb?)

I've been noticing at work how often we treat other people as objects. The customer placing an order gets angry and yells (literally yells) into the speaker at the order-taker. Then the order-taker cusses him/her out (not into the speaker). So, I decided to try to think of people as people yesterday. I didn't really treat them any differently. I still just quickly gave them their order, took their money, and said "have a good day." My attitude was entirely different though. I found myself thinking that I really would like that person to have a good day.
There was one man who treated me like a person.
One.
In hours of taking out orders.
Just one.
I found out that he's a pastor. (I asked about a book that he had in his car.)
I don't know that I would like the church he pastors or that I would agree with his doctrine, but he treated me like a person. It's the next day and I still remember him. (I remember this other guy with two brownish-yellowish buck teeth and his little rat dog too, but that's beside the point.) This pastor man was different than the rest of the world. He was kind, gentle, patient, joyful.
He gave me a $2 tip.
That's not why I like him, but it is an important "outward reality" of the "inward truths."
So tip well today. Treat the little people like people. Be different.

It's 8:30. My Biology prof didn't show up...well...he hadn't shown up when we all left. Did anyone else see the article entitled "Do What You Love...And Starve?" on the front of the MSN homepage yesterday? Here's a couple of excerpts in case you missed it:

"We've been sold a bill of goods when we're told to 'Follow your passion,' or 'Do what you love and the money will follow.' Fact is, if you do what you love, you'll probably starve. Yes, some people do what they love and the money follows. Others make less money but still are happy, but millions of people have followed their passion and still haven't earned enough money to even pay back their student loans, let alone make a middle-class living doing what they're passionate about.

"Advice I'd Give My Child
If you're at all entrepreneurial, I recommend starting your own business...Just this one rule: Do not innovate. Copy a successful simple business. Innovations are risky. Your product might not work, may not be popular with the public, or a competitor could beat you to market. Why be a guinea pig? Drive around to find a simple business at which customers are lined up out the door. For example, see a successful burrito shop or espresso cart? Open a similar one in a similar neighborhood...Confine your urge to innovate to your hobbies."

I wonder what Dr. Keating (Dead Poet's Society) would have to say about that...