Daniel and I got a new (used…but new-to-us) car last week, so we went on a little road trip out to Tyler on Saturday. See, on Wednesday, one of Daniel’s old friends from camp called and said their church was having a marriage conference that weekend at Pine Cove. A couple of people had dropped out and did we want to go. Sure, why not. The speaker was Chris Legg, who used to be the chaplain for PC and now he has set up his counseling practice in Tyler. I don’t really know him too well, but Daniel does and has a bit of a man-crush on him. So to Tyler we went.
Chris talked about forgiveness, sex, communication, and rest. It was so good. It was good to be at camp. It was good to sit on a bench in the drizzly rain by the lake. It was good to see old friends. It was good to learn.
Chris talked about how quickly a “gift” in marriage can turn into a “wage”.
I am altering his example to make it more PG rated.
Let’s say I went out of town for a couple of days, and while I was gone Daniel decided that he was going to surprise me by cleaning the apartment. I get home, and I’m so thankful. Let’s say 6 months later I go out of town again. In my head, on the way home, I’m thinking how nice it will be to come home to a clean apartment. But this time Daniel didn’t clean because he had a crazy week at work or isn’t feeling well, or just didn’t even think about it. I pout around for a couple of days and when we finally talk about it, Daniel realizes that it’s because he didn’t clean. Six months later, I go out of town. If he cleans the apartment this time, it’s not because he wanted to do something nice for me. It’s not a gift. Rather, he cleans because he wants to avoid my negative response. It’s a wage. He is paying to get something (or not get something), and in Scripture wages are associated with death. Gifts are associated with life.
I think this type of scenario can play out in any relationship. So the thought for the day:
Don’t make your spouse/friend/family pay you a wage. Let them give you gifts without turning them into expectations. And you give your spouse/friend/family gifts, not out of obligation, but out of love.
