I spent my Friday evening conversing with some fellow tall girls. There were four of us, all over 5'10". We talked about the struggle of pant and bathing suit shopping. We talked about things people have said, followed by "just kidding," that actually were just hurtful and have stuck with us for years. We talked about how we want to be "petite desert flowers" but instead we're always the intimidating ones. We talked about how the mindsets in a "normal" girl and a tall girl are totally different. Basically, they were expressing the same things I expressed in my post from Oct 26.
Then something hilarious happened. Topic of discussion has ventured to the ever-so-popular, "But models are tall!" response that we get all the time. (By the way, when you say that to a tall girl, the thought going through her head is, "Yeah...and if I lost 40 pounds and changed____, ____, and ______...then that would be a possibility!") So we were saying how that just doesn't really cut it. The girl on my left then said the following:
"The next time I hear a short girl complaining that she's fat, I'm going to be like, 'But cartoon characters are short and fat'. I wonder if that'll make her feel any better!"
I laughed. uproariously. we all did.
She added that she had Winnie-the-Pooh in mind. She said she'd tell the short girl that it's ok because, "Everybody loves him!"
So funny...but probably only to us...(shifts weight awkwardly)...situational humor...probably just tall girl situational humor. Never mind.

Training update: I ran four miles last night...well...I ran three miles on the treadmill, then I got off, stretched, then ran another on the track. I think that still counts.
Pine Cove was here recruiting summer staff at JBU yesterday. I didn't even know any of the people here but I had a blast. Some people say it's a cult, and maybe they're right, but I'm alright with that. The people are fantastic.
Question: I'm struggling to find a church. There's one in Fayetteville called The Grove that is about 95% twenty-somethings. They meet in a bar on Sunday nights. I really enjoy it, which makes sense since it's catered to me. But I hesitate to call it my church "home." I don't want to miss out on the wisdom that can be shared by older members. I feel...selfish. On the other hand, there's nothing wrong with really liking the music and atmosphere. There's nothing wrong with going to church at night instead of in the morning. And there are people older than me...just not many that are very much older. I don't know. It's not the conventional "church" but they teach the Word and worship the Lord. I'm sick of going to different places every week. Do I go to one of the 90000 that I've visited (and wasn't all that fond of) and just choose to make that home? What are your thoughts?

I have a new goal: run a half-marathon in April. 13.1 miles. 2-3 hours (hopefully). Twelve weeks of training.

I'm 9 miles into training...spread over three three-mile runs. I can't imagine running more.

I invite you all to come watch me run until I collapse on April 24th in Oklahoma City. The race starts at 6:30am.

I couldn't sleep. I couldn't turn my brain off. I was not a happy camper. When I informed God of this, I wasn't very polite. This is part of the dialogue from early Sunday morning:
(NOTE: These are not direct quotes. God did not speak to me audibly.)

I don't understand what the heck is going on. Make it stop. God, make it stop. It's 3:30 am and, after hours of trying to sleep, I still can't turn the thoughts off enough to sneak away. I've prayed for the people in my head, I've reviewed all the mundane, I've had all the hypothetical conversations I can handle.
I don't want to think like this.

--You won't be you if you don't. And I want you.

Am I obeying now? I told you it would be lame, un-useful, bad writing. I told you it was pointless! Is this what you wanted? This scribbled page of incoherence? This is your will for me this morning? Rumors of jr. high poetry and a few sentences of emotional upheaval? You said to come to you when we're weary and heavy-laden. Well, I'm exhausted and my thoughts weigh more than I do. I want rest. I'm ok with losing sleep, but, God, I want rest...There! I filled a page. Have I paid the fare?

--You're not going to buy rest. That's not what we're doing here. I'm not a grand wizard that, when appeased, grants the beggars what they wish. Why are you angry with me when I just want to hold you?

I'm sorry...While you "hold me" what I produce, these pages, are...hang on...let me look up ugly and unacceptable in the thesaurus. They're not what they could be, and therefore not what they should be.

--You've done everything I've asked of you.

I've done it so poorly.

--Maybe that's the assignment. That's what I've asked you to do. Remember, "My power is made perfect in weakness." I am perfecting you. Isn't that what you wanted?

It is. I just don't get it.

--Remember when you were in the bookstore looking at those calendars with the eagles soaring and the sunsets and the beautiful calligraphy writing? Do you remember what you thought?

I wanted to worship you in my own handwriting (as opposed to calligraphy).

--You just did. These "scribbled pages" and "jr. high poetry."

I sat in silence then went back to bed.

A friend from Pine Cove just started blogging (link will inevitably follow) so I sent her my site and then went on to read some really old entries. Funny stuff has happened to me!!! I've never been so glad that I wrote about it! It's one-something in the morning and I've been laughing out loud remembering certain events and situations. You and I both know I've also had quite a few depressing blogs, but for tonight, praise the Lord, that's not the focus. From catching someone peeing on presidential memorial, to the fat, bare-foot, middle-aged man reading the guide to all the secrets of Harry Potter. Then of course there are all the travel fiascos. And it's pretty darned funny how excited I was about my major...that then changed in less than a semester. i wrote a couple of blogs without capitalizing anything just because i was in a really bad mood and didn't freaking want to give in to the neuroses. That's funny. I've recently realized that some people assume friendship and that not everyone asks people to be their friend (as in, "Will you be my friend?" "Yeah ok.") but I do...and did. Then there was that card that the back-teller sent me...that was awkward. And so many more...

I encourage fellow-bloggers to read old entries today. It made me laugh...really hard...and I wish the same upon you.

Read the most hilarious article today entitled, How to Become an Indie Snob in 5 Easy Steps. It's pretty short and well-worth the read. Enjoy!

It's been a while. I should have warned you I suppose, but I didn't really know. I checked my e-mail a couple of times, but other than that I spent my break avoiding the computer at all cost. I'm sure there's some psychological reason for the avoidance but I don't want to think about it.
A month in review:
-Chicago was amazing. My cousins apartment has an amazing view of the city. We went ice skating in Millennium Park, walked in the snow while drinking Slurpees, talked, went to the comedy club where a lot of SNL people got their starts. Saw friends from Capernwray at Wheaton. Great life conversation. Weird life realizations. More travel fiascos to add to my ever-growing list. Cancelled flights, delayed flights, etc.
-Finals...probably no different than anyone else's finals week: some studying mixed with a lot of procrastination. A combination of excitement about the upcoming trip to Pine Cove and lingering, at times painful, thoughts of the time in Chicago.
-Pine Cove. I planned on staying for a night then heading home to enjoy the Progressive Dinners and other festivities, but, alas, they were short on help for the weekend, and I just can't say no to a weekend at Pine Cove. Great reunion with staff. You know that movie Mean Girls? I had pretty much the whole cast in my cabin. Tough.
-Home. Parties, coffee, movies, books, food, hair dye, family, friends. The thought of getting specific is pretty overwhelming. So much. Maybe more will trickle out over time.
-And now I'm back at school. Today I endured my first 5 classes of the semester. (8, 9, 10, 11, and 1 o'clock. Ridiculous). Coming back hasn't been half as hard as I thought it would be. Praise the Lord.
...and there's reason to believe, maybe this year will be better than the last...