"Oh why do the good days end? It makes me wonder now, with the way I feel, if yesterday was even real..." --Chris Rice
My sentiments exactly. Yesterday was incredible. Really, truly, incredible. Reasons why:
-The weather here in Northwest Arkansas was strikingly similar to that of Southern California.
-My dad called and told me that I've been awarded a scholarship through his company, and because I put the effort forth to apply for the scholarship in the first place, my parents are going to pay my car insurance for me! Couldn't be more excited about that!
-Remember that little run-in I had with my lap-top, and the $600 it took to fix the screen? yeah, so I needed a job. I was pretty nervous about that honestly. It's a small town and there are a lot of college kids returning and, I assume, needing work. I went out early last week and applied to Sonic. Working at Sonic as a car-hop means that everyday when you leave you have cash in your pocket and every two weeks you get a check. That's a beautiful thing. Anyway, I went in yesterday for an "interview." (that's in quotes because it wasn't an interview at all. The manager just asked me when I wanted to work) Anyway, I got the job. God is faithful and good.
Reasons why today was not as good:
-The weather here in NW Arkansas is strikingly similar to that of NW Arkansas. (actually it's still really nice, but more humid)
-I had class. (but the President of JBU lectured in one of my classes so that was interesting.)
-I had to work. I'm not very good at not being good at stuff. I don't handle it well. Learning a new job, and being around new people, is awkward. (but I did leave with money in my pocket, and I'm already always around new people so I'm getting used to that).
-I have statistics homework. (but I'm going to eat Wheat Thins and peanut butter while I do it.)

Based on the parentheses it really wasn't that bad of a day... The song lyrics I quoted at the beginning aren't all that applicable. I got a hilarious (really! I was crying!) message from a friend. I ate coffee ice cream. I'm wearing my big fat Danish pants. And every where I turn I'm reminded that God is still faithful and good. Thanks for letting me work through that pitty-party. I'm over it.

"Me, I just want it real. If I'm tired, I want to say I'm tired. If I'm happy, I want to say i'm happy...or sad or angry or drunk or whatever, because it's real. Everything at our show is geared to let you in on real feelings. Why fake it? More importantly, why would you want it faked?" --Adam Duritz of Counting Crows
Beautiful. Hey Adam, thanks for keeping it real.

NOTE to friends and family my e-mail address will be changing in the not-so-distant future from roziepozie315@aol to roziepozie315@hotmail.com so... change it in your address book. Then e-mail me. That'd be fun! Isn't fun the best thing to have...

Here are my thoughts on Thursday's question:
Needed: You are the only person that can fill that role, do that job, be that. That's a cool place to be. You're unique and necessary.
Wanted: They could have anyone in the world and they want you. Also, very stinkin' cool.
Results of the question so far: more people choose wanted than needed. Every female has chosen wanted, without exception (thus far). Males are more evenly divided but slightly more choose needed. Any thoughts on the whys of that?
anyone?
anyone?
Bueller?

Would you rather be wanted or needed, and why?

I was all wrong about that too...

The Bible does not say that the fruit of the spirit is not being selfish, not being depressed, not being anxious, not being unkind, etc. The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Our goal as Christians is not to pursue sinlessness with all that we are, but to pursue Christ. Hebrews 12:1 says, "...let us lay aside...the sin that clings so closely..." The first thought that popped into my head was that of static cling. You could spend all day trying to keep flannel pajama bottoms from sticking to your legs, but there are better ways to spend your time. When you're running and jumping and playing, the focus is no longer on the static cling.

I understand that sin needs to be addressed and repented of. I understand that we're at war and need to be on guard. We've been trained to live with one eye on the goal and one eye on the enemy. I disagree. You run, you jump, you play, with both eyes on Christ. You seek HIM with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, instead of seeking a "righteousness of your own" (see Phillipians 3:9). We should spend less time tyring to pull our pants away from our legs, and more time dancing so hard they don't have the chance to stick.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In light of His glory and grace.

I was going to blog tonight. It was going to be great. No it wasn't. I didn't really have any idea what to write about. But luckily, for you and me both, my friend Robyn a.k.a. "Vertically Challenged" called, so I don't have time for blog-o-substance.
---Today I had a 7:30 am class. Western Civilization. My prof is big on languages so we learned the Greek alphabet. The Greek alphabet at 7:30 am.
---I got shin splints at Pine Cove, and my left shin still hurts. Even now, when I'm just sitting. Any ideas what I can do about that?
---My mom told me this last night, "Today a little girl told me about the time a lady bug fell into her belly-button." Will someone who's not so incompetent at writing PLEEEEEASE write that into a story or movie somewhere. I want to see the event take place and hear the little girl describe it. Kids are funny. (irrational, but funny.)
---I've been thinking a lot about grace as of late. What God's grace looks like in our lives, what it would look like if we found grace in other's eyes, what it would be like to be gracious to yourself and others... more thoughts on this will inevitably follow. The thoughts are permeating the worth/identity crisis idea too.

and I'm spent. goodnight neverland.

Today I went exploring. I kept thinking as I was driving that maybe I was just looking in the wrong places. Surely there's more to this town than this. But, alas, my wanderings have shown me otherwise. That's ok. I'll just have to get creative.
Classes started today. All of my teachers gave the ol' I-know-everyone-says-this-but-my-class-really-is-the-most-important-one-you'll-have-at-JBU speech. Are they kidding? Wellness 101 isn't life-changing. I guess, ultimately, I'm glad that they're passionate about what they're teaching, but come on!
Then I spent some time filling out job applications. (Hey Brent and Steve I put you as references so tell them you think I'm perfect for whatever it is they want me to do.)
Now I'm back from dinner with my roomie and a couple other girls. As we were sitting and talking the soccer team walked sat down at a table nearby. A couple of them were icing their knees and a few had their big yellow socks pushed down around their ankles revealing the shin guard lines. I was suddenly completely uninterested in the conversation we were having. I don't know when soccer went from just enjoyable to a passion, but it definitely is now. I want to play so badly it's unbelievable. Intramurals will start soon and that'll be good, but I don't know if that'll be enough. It killed me that I couldn't watch the women's game against Germany today. (If they play it again, I'll pay someone to record it for me!) I got online and read about it, play by play. grrrr.

No real news yet. Nothing deep or insightful or even spiritual. Sorry. I'll try harder next time, but for now I'm focusing on just getting words down on the page. Short assignments. Bird by bird. One inch picture frame.

I moved in, met the roommate, said goodbye to the parents, went to the dining hall (but didn't eat), printed off my schedule, and now... I have nothing to do. Hip hip hooray for free time! That'll change tomorrow. 8 am Biology. sick.

I have some time and an ounce of courage so I should take advantage of it. These times are few and far between so let's not waste any time. What I learned at camp:

-My feelings/goals about girls and the media were confirmed and strengthened. Now, more than ever, I believe there's a need to teach about our true identity. The battle inside wages on though as I grow increasingly convinced that the problem is unsolvable. Not only the teenage girls are affected. Guys, parents, grandparents have all believed the lies. Each week we got to read profiles of our incoming campers. One mom wrote that she wanted her 8th grade girl to learn that "She doesn't have to be pretty to be popular." False. Absolutely, completely, and utterly false. You definitely have to be pretty to be popular. The problem with that statement is that a: popularity should not be the goal and b: she is pretty! The problem is not the way we look, it's the way we see.

-On one of my days off, while sitting in my car re-reading Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott, and basking in my insecurity and my avoidance of the blank page, the Holy Spirit somehow worked in me to reveal the absolute timidity in which I live my life, particularly in writing. At this point my not writing is being disobedient. I'm not sure how all that works, but I know that my fear is not a legitimate excuse to ignore the leading of the Holy Spirit. I know that if/when I write people will inevitably read it and that scares the crap out of me. I also know that His power is made perfect in weakness. Writing is where I feel weakest. Yikes.

-Every Tuesday a group of the girl counselors got together for what they call "Cake-N-Steak" with the director's wife. These were some of the sweetest times at camp. She allowed us to come into her home, she made us food, she shared a little bit of what God had lain on her heart. One week she was discussing modesty, pointing out that it's more than just clothing. It's not drawing unnecessary attention to yourself in the way we dance, the way we talk, the way we act, etc. "You're not going to miss what God has for you," she told us. That is so true and so well-put.

Next time I blog I'll be sitting in my dorm room at John Brown University. (That is, if I still have a room. Hopefully I haven't been kicked out for not showing up on Wednesday.) Good-bye friends.

I'm home. Still feeling pretty frantic and unprepared. I'm supposed to be at school tomorrow for orientation. They're going to just have to get over that. I'll get there Saturday and will just remain disoriented.
Today I took a few minutes to read through my journal from Pine Cove. It's strange how much you learn, and how much you forget in the course of six weeks. I have a list of stories and things I learned entitled "What I would've blogged." I may get to them. I may not. Right now I'm lacking the energy, focus, and mostly the courage to write what I really want to put down so I'll just tell you a funny story instead. Has anyone ever woken up in the middle of the night and started getting ready for your day because, for some reason, you thought it was morning? Sunday July 4th. Very first night with campers. I had survived the first meal, the first club, the first cabin meeting, the first theme night, and now my 7 eighth grade girls and myself were sleeping soundly. 2:30am I woke up. Then I panicked. Then I woke up one of my campers. I told her she was late for her swim check (the rest of the girls had done it the day before) and to quickly get up and put on her bathing suit. She did. Then, as she was changing, I looked at the clock again. 2:33am. Then I panicked some more. She came out of the bathroom and I told her what I had done. I apologized profusely, begging for forgiveness. She was incredibly kind, got back in bed and went to sleep. I laid on my bed thinking, "I just ruined camp for this girl! I ruined camp!" Let me just tell you how great of a start that was. Fantastic. That's it for now. Stay tuned for a more thorough camp review.